when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
