i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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