Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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