her facebook's as public as her vagina
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
