I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
