Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
