Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize