I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
