Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
