that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
