i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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