clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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