I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Randomize
