Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
