his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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