I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
