just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
