If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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