my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
im holly from the hills drunk
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
