Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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