dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
