Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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