I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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