I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
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