You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
