There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
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