were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize
