We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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