we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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