If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
