You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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