I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
