No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
