It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
