Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
