How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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