Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
