I think I died a long time ago.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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