you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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