Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
