She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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