We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
