Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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