I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You are a genius and a whore.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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