i wish semen tasted like chocolate
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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