we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
