So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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