Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Randomize
