Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
