i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Randomize
