Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
