I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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