He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
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