my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
