I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
