I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
