Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
