mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
