It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
