You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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