roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
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