I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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