I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
