I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
