I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
