You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
