Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
