The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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