is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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