Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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