You really coming over, don't trick.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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