I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
