Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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