i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
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