You really coming over, don't trick.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
