I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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